It makes her feel unsteady...

"tayo ba'y nabubuhay para lang mamatay?"

It's exactly 4:27 in the morning. I can't sleep, that line is stuck in my head.
I decided to continue this quasi-soul-searching thing.

I seriously don't know why I'm doing this. I am more introspective lately since malapit nanaman magpasukan.
I figured that I owe it to myself that when I get back to school, I am somehow wiser than when I left. Kinda like to prove to myself that I DO learn stuff in my own terms.
But I seriously doubt my own theory there. O.O

Anyways, let's get on to business.

Hmmm... let me start by saying that....
Uhhh...

Well this is getting nowhere.

Hmm... I guess it'll be smart to start with my relationship with God.

God for me is... God.
Wow. I'm sorry, I just couldn't decribe that in any other way. Well, I guess God to me is pretty much who God is to everyone else.
The One who created everything. The One who gives us life, The One who gets the gears into motion, etc. etc.

And at the same time, He is my wall, my sword and my pen.

"She said it makes her feel unsteady, without a god to blame..."

My relationship with God (sorry for the redundancy, I just feel uncomfortable referring to God as 'Him'. Y'know, like I would a human male O.O)
Anyways, my relationship with God, I believe is a healthy enough one. At least... it's as healthy as it could get at the moment.
Yes, I admit most of the time I just talk to God when I need or want something, but sometimes I still spare God my time of the day just to talk to Him. (see? It's weird.)
I get angry with God, I get frustrated with Him (ugh. 'kay I'll stop complaining about it now). Sometimes I blame God for things I have no business blaming God for.

And yet somehow.., I find myself still in one piece. I am neither smitten nor prematurely damned. (not that I would know for sure O.O)

Anyways, the point is, if God hasn't removed me from the face of the Earth yet, I must be doing something right.... And then I remember the positive moments of my... moments with God.
This next part sounds REALLY out of character for me, but it's true. You guys all know I'm paranoid about my health, right?
I really am. I think every fever may be fatal for me and I freak out easily. That's why everytime I'm sick I thank God for waking me up, whenever I wake up.
And then unfortunately, after I get better and shit, I go back to my routine of only asking things from God and getting frustrated with Him.

"How many times? How many times before you tire?"

Thinking about this... somehow it freaks me out. I mean, have you ever wondered if/ when God will get tired of "being there for you"? 'Coz, if we're honest with ourselves, He has every right to be.
It freaks me out when I think about when that day might come for me.. if it would come at all.

Now that I've lost my train of thought on that subject. I'd like to hop onto another.

"And she thinks that I'm the one that makes it rain..."

I am one of those people who'd like to think that "God is a scientist." I mean, technically, He's the one that sets all that science into motion, so it would be dumb to think that believing in science is being Atheistic.
But that's just my opinion. So, yes, I believe in evolution (just not exactly Darwin's evolution). And...

I lost my train of thought there too. >.< I need to start taking pills for this.

I'll get back to that later I guess... Hmm... what else would I like to discuss?

Oh yeah. Afterlife.
I try not to think about afterlife too much. i mean, I'm having such a hard time with THIS life as it is.
One thing I don't get though...

I hope no one gets mad at me, but this whole Spiritual Thing looks oddly selfish when you add 'The After Life' into equation.
What do you do? I do good.
Why? So that I can share love and peace to my fellowmen.
Why? So it would please God by doing His will
Why do you need to please God by doing His will? ... so I wouldn't be damned for all eternity. So I could have eternal life in paradise.

See? Everything still boils down to the word "I". In the end, it's still all about you, yourself, and... uhh... you.

"me me me me me me me"

But again, that just my opinion (which is arguably jaded by sleep-deprivation, boredom, and... sleeplessnesss O.O LOL)

Now that we got into that now, I guess it would be safe to dish out another point... our purpose in life.

"tayo ba'y nabubuhay para lang mamatay?"

I know most of us would like to believe we are here for a reason, but I also know that somewhere deep within us there is this voice thst tells us that we're going nowhere and that all of it is for nothing.
To those who are more enlightened than I am, we are supposedly here to live out the purpose given to us by God. And, apparently, all of us here have a purpose. I would hope so.

But what about still-borns who never got a chance to do anything? They didn't even get a chance to be baptized. So, technically, are they out of God's greater scheme of things?
But isn't God the one who kindles a woman to get pregnant? So He must've created that baby for a reason, but why kill him/her so fast? What about that baby's mission?
I'm afraid to type this... but does that mean, that God simply didn't want that child to be part of His greater scheme of things? I mean... if the child was unbaptised, then he/she cannot reside with God in heaven.
So basically, he/she never got a chance...

why?


"tayo ba'y nabubuhay para lang mamatay...?"

Heretical Mementos Pt. 2

So... I really don't know what to write here, but I felt like I had to write something... I guess I'll just make it up as I go.

Yahoo Messenger, 5/25/09, 1:10am

kiNg iCiaN: namimisS ka na ni Lord...^^
kiNg iCiaN: misS na misS pala...^^
Kalii O.o: xP...
Kalii O.o: saka koh na Siya haharapin...
===

That was part of the conversation I had with Ian (wow, special mention ka, cub!) several hours ago.

I dunno... but talking to religious people remind me that I haven't attended Holy Mass in... 3 years? (hindi kasama yung mga ipinilit sa akin school, rawr.) And I haven't talked to God in weeks. Although, the reason I'm not attending mass is completely different from why I'm not talking to The Big Guy at the moment.

Right about now, the devout Christians are covering their mouths in horror and the non-believers are thinking 'and your point is...?' I'll get to that in a second.

First let me say that, contrary to popular belief: I do, in fact believe in God. And yes, God is important to me. So why am I disconnected from God at the moment? ... Yeah, like I'll tell YOU that.

I will, however, tell you the reason why I don't attend Holy Mass. Simply put, I am 'Roman Catholic' by document but I am Anti-religion by heart. Anti-religious, not Atheist. It's NOT the same thing. Like I said, I believe in a God, but I simply cannot find myself believing nor conforming to a specific religion. I have my beliefs on Spiritual mumbo-jumbo and although, I allow them to be changed by the more enlightened individuals, I'd like to stick with what agrees with me.

I don't want any religion to dictate what I should believe and do. I'd like to believe that 'the right thing to do' should be backed up by my judgement, experiences and even ugh my emotions. It SHOULDN'T be dictated by any old book. Any old book which I might remind all of you, does NOT have a 100% precise translation and has been condensed and revised a lot of times already.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but some parts of 'The Scriptures' just come off as twisted to me rather than Holy.

Chapter 33 verse 50 of the Koran:
"O Prophet! Lo! We have made lawful unto thee thy wives unto whom thou hast paid their dowries, and those whom thy right hand possesseth of those whom Allah hath given thee as spoils of war, and the daughters of thine uncle on the father's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the father's side, and the daughters of thine uncles on the mother's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the mother's side who emigrated with thee, and a believing woman if she give herself unto the Prophet and the Prophet desire to ask her in marriage a privilege for thee only, not for the [rest of] believers."

==+ Therefore, the Prophet is given sexual access to first cousins and any believing woman whom he desires to wed. And he is allowed sexual relations to his captives of war... aka RAPE.


Sura 4 (The Women), Verse 92.
4.92: And it does not behoove a believer to kill a believer except by mistake, and whoever kills a believer by mistake, he should free a believing slave, and blood-money should be paid to his people unless they remit it as alms; but if he be from a tribe hostile to you and he is a believer, the freeing of a believing slave (suffices), and if he is from a tribe between whom and you there is a covenant, the blood-money should be paid to his people along with the freeing of a believing slave; but he who cannot find (a slave) should fast for two months successively:

==+So to allah slaves are nothing but a commodity to be traded here and there. Allah sounds like a confederate slave holder. - danielpipes.org

The Bile, Deuteronomy 22:23-24

²³ If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, ²⁴ you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife. You must purge the evil from among you.

==+ So technically, if a betrothed woman DOES NOT scream during rape, it is not considered rape and she should be put to death for her sins. Further discussion of this by TruthWalker.

The Bible, Genesis 9:6

Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed.

==+ AKA Capital punishment or Death Penalty.


So why did I post those? Like I said, I didn't mean to offend. My goal is not to besmirch the name of 'Good Books'. My point is that these scriptures which people are supposed to abide in simply do NOT agree with me.
I do not believe that rape, slavery, nor capital punishment is justifiable under nay circumstances and I'm sticking to that.


"The path to God is littered with religion."
- Unlucky Sun

I still have more to say about this, but I'll continue it tomorrow because it's already too long. KBAi~

Heretical Mementos

"Stop using my name in vain, goddamnit!"

-GOD

Masama ba isipin na may sense of humor ang Diyos? Bakit naman? Ano masama dun? So masama ang sense of humor? Lahat ng taong may sense of humor pupuntang hell? Ganun ba yun?

===

I conjured that up when I was trying to think up a witty message that I could GM (group message) to my friends and blockmates. At first I was supposed to just send the quotation. But then I thought about my spiritually devoted blockmates (one of which is a son of a Pastor). I knew they would disapprove of the message. It is after all blasphemous (to most people at least. Not to me.) So... my overly introspective mind summoned up the second paragraph. I know that most of my classmates would still disapprove. I don't care, though. That piece of the message was meant to get people to think as well as to defend myself and my strange beliefs. If at least one person thinks about it, then my mission is accomplished.

Most religions or rather, religious people *ehem*Christians*ehem* have the power to puzzle and amuse me at the same time. And most of the time, it's not even about the rituals and traditions; although most of those are really, REALLY strange. What clogs my brain is the constant and absolute confidence in those people that their description of "God" is 100% correct. That "God is good all the time" thing that has become the finishing line on every inspirational story out there. People think that "God is good all the time" and yet they also believe in the "Wrath of God". DON'T. Don't tell me they don't. if they didn't, the term "God-fearing" would never have been listed in the book of good traits. God is good, but he occasionally smites sinners (which could be any of us, BTW, since we're ALL sinners.). Don't you just feel the constant and undying love<3?... Another thing is the constant fighting with science because it 'contradicts' the Bible and stuff. IT'S SCIENCE PEOPLE! IT HAS PHYSICAL PROOF! And a wise professor once told me "God will never contradict himself." I'm just saying, there's no use denying it.

I'd rather withhold my idea of how I view God's "moods" (wrath, love, wrath, love, dice, dice, dice). I'd rather believe that God actually did make the dinosaurs, he actually DESIGNED EVOLUTION so His creations would last longer (less maintenance, y'know). I don't know why there's anything wrong with believing in that. I mean, other than the fact that it contradicts the Bible; and that's fine with me, actually. Also, I believe God gave humans brains so they would find answers. So I absolutely despise the term "Ganyan talaga" and "Diyos na lang siguro makakaalam". If we have the time, the brains, we should try to figure things out. The more we figure things out the less questions there are. The less questions, the less spite between beliefs. Less spite, less war. Yes, LESS WAR. So go on, say it. Say it. Tell me that God doesn't want us to find answers. C'mon.

I guess all my opinions can never be stored in one blog post. So I guess I'll close here. I remember my block mate (the Pastor's son) saying that the stuff happening to the Earth right now is extremely comparable to the prophecy on the Book of Revelations. If that is true and the end truly is near after all, then I must be given the illest of Fates. To live and question the belief of Christians, of the Church; to have my own ideas on God, to be a confused and lost sheep at a time like this. When there is no time... I tell you, the idea of such adversity scares me, but I believe it's no better to live on blind faith. Through distorted vision I may find my way after all, but if I am blind then I might end up foolishly clutching on false hope woven by the 'religious veterans'.